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Life is ruff when you don't have a good joke up your sleeve 

So we wanted to share some of the best (and wurst) dog jokes we found on the net…..

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Q: How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

A: Terrier-fied!

 

Q: Why did the dog cross the road?

A: To get to the "barking" lot!

 

Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? 

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

 

Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A: A bloodhound!

 

Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: He stole the show!

 

 

 

 

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Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A: A friend you can count on.

 

Q: Did you hear about the dog who couldn't stop talking like a horse?

A: It was a dog and pony show.

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly?

A: The collie wobbles!

 

Q: What do you call a black Eskimo dog?

A: A dusky husky!

 

Q: What do you call a cold dog?

A: A Chilli Dog.

 

Q: How is a dog and a marine biologist alike?

A: One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

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Q: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog?

A: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

 

Q: When does a dog go "moo"?

A: When it is learning a new language!

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?

A: Because you can't bury them in trees!

 

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?

A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

 

Q: What kind of dog chases anything red?

A: A Bulldog.

 

Q: Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?

A: Because he was a German shepherd.

 

Q: What state do dogs like?

A: New Yorkie.

 

Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? 

A: It barked with de-light!

 

Q: What is a dogs favorite instrument?

A: A trombone.

 

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A: A collie-flower!

 

Q: What's a dog's ideal job?

A: Barkeology

 

Q: Why do dogs wag their tails?

A: "Because no one else will do it for them!"

 

Q: Why didn't the dog speak to his foot?

A: Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw!

 

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

A: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

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Q: What is the dogs favorite city?

A: New Yorkie!

 

Q: Why does no one want to work for dogs?

A: Because they hound their employees.

 

Q: What do you call a dog that goes to the bathroom indoors?

A: A pet project.

 

Q: Who is the dogs favorite comedian?

A: Growlcho Marx!

 

Q: What do dogs and story tellers have in common?

A: They both have tails!

 

Q: What kind of dog likes taking a bath?

A: a shampoodle!

 

Q: What happens when a dog chases a cat into a geysur?

A: It starts raining cats and dogs.

 

Q: What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

A: "Well, doggone!"

 

Q: How can if you have a stupid dog?

A: It chases parked cars!

Q: What is a dog's favorite sport?

A: Formula 1 drooling!

 

Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?

A: A Great Dane out!

 

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

A: It doesn't matter.... he's not going to come anyway.

 

Q: What dog can jump higher than a tree?

A: Any dog can jump higher than a tree, trees cant jump.

 

Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?

A: Anywhere it wants to!

 

Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?

A: "I must throw that doggie out the window!"

 

Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?

A: Because his boots were at the menders!

 

Q: Why did the owner get his dog a special collar?

A: He didn't want her to flea.

 

Q: Why does a dog lick his own dick?

A: Because he cant make a fist

 

Q: Why does the dog bring toilet paper to the party?

A: Because he is a party pooper.

 

Q: What is a dog's favorite food?

A: Anything that is on your plate!

 

Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat?

A: A hot dog!

 

Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?

A: A sausage dog!

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Q: What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic?

A: His bark was much worse than it's bite!

 

Q: What do you tell the guy who says he has a bulldog and shih tzu mix?

A: Bullshit

 

Q: Why wasn't the dog a smooth talker?

A: Because all he ever said was "Rough, Rough"

 

Q: What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?

A: a Sub-woofer.

 

Q: What do dogs eat for breakfast?

A: Pooched eggs.

 

Q: What do you call a pug that is undercover?

A: Indognito 

Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?

A: Anything in your garden!

 

Q: What dog wears contact lenses?

A: A cock-eyed spaniel!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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